Sitting with Heimdall

A couple of years ago I explored which of the deities I had led my students to work with. There was one serious (and total) blackout. Heimdall.

Probably this is because I'm a bit of a Loki fan. In times of trouble or stress I'm all for chaos and drama, and whenever I hit a wall I would turn to Loki. I'm also rather fond of my antagonistic relationship with the frenzied Odin- so the idea of working with the structured and calm Heimdall just didn't sit well.

There are no "bad" runes or deities in the Norse pantheon, but balance is important. And by leaning in heavily to the drama fuelled deities (I also rather love Frey) I was not facing my shadow self, not allowing personal growth.

Many of the deities have clear connections between each other. My main patrons are Hel and Freya. Its great as a Hel personality I get on well with Loki, and understandable that there is healthy antagonism with Odin.

But Heimdall is Freya's sponsor when she moves to Asgard he protects her. My rejection of Heimdall says a lot about me, and is a point of deep personal growth.

And so at the weekend I accepted the chance to work with Heimdall. I was anxious- I am so used to drama, kennings, challenges. The first thing Heimdall told me was I would need to adjust my expectations- he works differently to the other deities and I would need to accept that.

I nodded, still slightly anxious, and then he started walking ahead, turning around to nod at me to follow. So I did. We walked and walked, a companiable quiet settling between us. We reached the edge of the rainbow bridge and Heimdall sat down, motioning me to sit with him. And we sat.

I was a little restless, ready for the challenge, the riddle, the action. But we sat.

And sat some more.

Watching, thinking, in a companiable quiet.

Then we got up and walked back to the fire were he met me. He nodded and told me that is how we would work. By learning to just observe, to see what needed to be seen rather than chasing.

It feels like a very important new start, and deeply uncomfortable to just watch and not do, do, do!