Reading Tarot for a victim of domestic abuse.

If you are a paid Tarot professional then every now and then you will be asked a genuine question that is difficult.

The most important thing is to handle this situation in a way that supports your client rather than triggering them. So whatever you decide to do- dig deep, remain calm, and reassuring. Looking shocked, saying quickly “I can’t read for that”, or ignoring the vulnerability of your client is not going to help them.

So here is my check list to help if you find yourself in this situation.

·        Breath, be fully present, focus on what is being said.

This may be the first time they have admitted to anyone they are in a violent relationship, staying calm and giving them the confidence to speak is so important. Reassure them that its Ok to share, and that you are there to support them.

·        Check their level of safety, offer practical support.

People die through domestic violence; it can be a very dangerous situation. Don't offer advice if you don't fully understand the complexities of a situation. If you are worried about a clients safety always signpost them to appropriate support.

It’s hard to express how limiting domestic abuse can be. Clients may be scared to look things up on their phone, or they may in such trauma it just hasn’t sunk in that they can access help. Offering to ring a help line, or write some numbers down may be exactly what they need.

·        Phrase the reading in a way  that suits your skill set.

Be really (really) careful of offering false security, or false hope. In this situation I often prefer to read for an exit plan than to reflect on the relationship. Three mini readings focused on “what you can best do now” can be a genuine support.

Often someone can be desperate to leave, but just see no possible way- so focusing on the possibility of leaving can be the best way to help.

It is perfectly OK to not feel comfortable reading the cards, and to focus on ways they access appropriate professional support.

·        Keep professional boundaries

Its easy to want to rescue someone, to want to push them to take your advice. Leaving a domestic abuse situation is dangerous, often the most dangerous point is just after leaving.

So offer your support without expectation of them following through.

·        Know your boundaries.

I know as a solo mum I can’t offer out of hours crisis help, even if a client is desperate. If I feel this might be needed I will try and signpost them to other people/help lines that can help.

It is important you don’t let your client down by offering help you cannot follow through with.

·        Don’t take it personally

I know it hurt a lot of my friends when I stayed in an abusive relationship even after it got dangerous. It actually got to the point where I isolated myself because I felt that I was letting them down. I was grateful some friends got it. I would leave when I could, and they could accept that.

If a client comes back, still in a domestic relationship, don’t take it personally. Don’t judge them. I can personally assure you that leaving a violent relationship (especially with children involved) is a complex and scary process.

• And what if you spot something but the client hasn't mentioned it?

This has happened to me on numerous occasions. I tread carefully, double checking my cards and if time allows doing several readings looking at understanding the relationship.

I don't "define" a relationship as abusive, rather describing the dynamic based on the cards to help support my client in understanding the situation. Sometimes clients open up and are relieved, often clients go away and seek clarification from trusted others.

I've written this because in the last couple of weeks I've had two clients come to me very worried.

Both are in abusive relationships, with as yet no overt violence, but they are "treading on eggshells". In both cases a different tarot reader told them to tell their husbands they are leaving. I'm grateful they reached out to me.

Leaving a domestic abuse situation is the most dangerous point, it is often males that carry out the violence, and as I was told; " a man with nothing to lose is very dangerous".

Please, if you are reading for someone in this situation signpost them to the right support, never under estimate to potential of domestic abuse.